So like, I'm sitting here in my chair minding my own business (as if) and the cat makes a weird noise, runs in from the patio, makes an even weirder noise and spits a bug out on the carpet. Nice. Thanks kitty.
Then the bug took off and began flying around the room. I thought maybe it was a June bug, but, this isn't June (we get them in May up here anyway) and it was too big. What's next up in size on the bug scale - a cicada, they're huge, but there's no cicadas this year and they don't sound like this when they're flying. It sounded like a bumblebee, but much much louder. Actually it sounded like ten bumblebees. Or a small helicopter.
It flew around the room and was frankly, terrifying. Meanwhile the cat and run towards the couch, half crawled under it and just lay there with the front half of its body under the couch and it's back lags all splayed out. What on earth is it afraid of?
All this happened in a split second and the bug kept flying around the room and finally landed in a lamp. That's no June bug or cicada, the delta wings give it away it's a fly. But flies don't come that big, this thing was enormous and my first thought, honestly, was "radiation, mutant".
I whacked it with a plastic bottle and it fell onto the carpet and I began taking pictures, then I put it in a baggie in the freezer.
Apparently it's a horse fly. Now, I've seen and been bitten by lots of horse flies and they're big but they're not NEARLY AN INCH LONG. It's a "giant horse fly" - Tabanus atratus, and they are an inch long. OMFG.
I've got some small rulers somewhere in packed away, I'll dig one up tomorrow and take a picture of this monster sitting on a ruler. Right now the best I can say is it's almost half as long as a standard sized Zippo lighter is tall.
It's frightening to think there might be more of these things out there. Or that they might actually bite you, although bite is a bit of a misnomer, they don't bite at all, they have a GIANT FLESH RIPPING SAW attached to their mouth parts that makes a huge gash, then then spit in a liquid to prevent blood from clotting then proceed to suck your juices out of you.
Is there anything you can take so you don't dream? This can't possibly end well.
I measured the beast: one inch long exactly. Their size is given as "20-25mm" and at 25mm = one inch this is as big as they get. So lemme get this straight, I had the biggest example of the largest fly in the world, and it's A FUCKING VAMPIRE. Dear. Mother. Of. God.