======================== Beginning of part 3 =========================== {Loud guy in audience} HUNTER! AL DAVIS AND THE LAKERS GONNA REPEAT ? {Audience} Duke! {Loud guy} AL DAVIS AND THE LAKERS GONNA REPEAT, HUNTER ? {HST} I don't give a fuck, really. {Audience goes nuts} {HST} But I would if I had money riding on it. {Girl in audience} Hunter, years ago you described sportwriting as being straight form the medulla. Are there guys straight form the medulla ? {HST} Is mom ? {Knocks over glass} {HST} No, I'm fine...... I often get to the point where .... where's that fuckin ice ? Thats the problem, I havn't been drinking enough. {Girl in audience} Gels, liquids or gooney birds ? {HST} Gels liquids or gooo haha flubba glerk rappa hey. next {Guy in audience} What do you think of Sam Kineson. He's a bastard too. {Hunter starts banging the stick he brought with him on the table, thwack thwack Thwack THWACK THWACK He hits the microphone stand. It is very loud} {HST} What would you think if I smashed this mike.... {Guy in audience stands up, wearing a Hawiian shirt and a tall drink with an umbrella in it} Hunter! {HST} Yes ? {Guy} I have to leave for work, can I get you to sign this picture of you and your attorney ? {Audience applauses} {Hunter gets up, walks toward front of stage, motions for guy to come up on stage. He does, and stands looking at the picture just staring at it.} {Guy in audience} He forgot his name, man. {Guy in audience} Get the carbons. {Guy in audience} Haitch, you, enn, tee..... {audience breaks up} {HST} ha ha ha {Guy in audience} Hunter, what sthe deal with G. Gordon Liddy, is he really as tough as he says he is ? {HST} Huh, Gordon, see I know Gordon, and uhh, I know Tim Leary, and they do go and debate on the circuit, yeah Gordon thinks I'm too crazy, but we know that Gordon is nutty really - over the line, but you'd never know it talking to him..... yeah, I assume Gordon is tough, I don't know... he's the one that volunteered to stand on the street corner and be shot. He volunteered to take the blame for Watergate...... you know, put his hands in the fire.... but that means nothing.... Oscar, my attorney, that guy in the photo album, used to burn his wrists with cigarettes as some sort of hideous pennance.... scarred, horrible cigarette burns, I'm watch him he'd sit there on the porch, and the fool, head full of acid would prove something by putting a cigarette on his wrist and I had to say, you *stupid spic*, you fucking prat. But he'd doit anyway, he'd do what he wanted to do. {Guy in audience} When was Acosta declared dead. {HST} After seven years.... mssing person have to wait 7 years to be declcared dead... for insurence reasons.... I could tell you stories about that. {Guy in audience} Do you still have the Gerbar ? {HST} The Knife ? No, I gave it away. {Guy in audience} Have you heard from Lucy ? {HST} Lucy was the fat crazy women from Oregon that Oscar got acid ? Let me tell you, that was amateur work. Lucy was a... high school stuff there were much much crazier......... Lucy uhh, went back to Oregon. She wasnt crazy she was just... {Guy in audience} Where do you like to go in LA ? {Guy in audience} What about Ken Kesey ? {Guy in audience} Yeah, where do you like to go in LA ? Home ? {Guy in audience} Where are you stayin ? {Guy in audience} Yeah, where's the party. {HST} At the Lizards club. I've been giving up parties, although I shouldnt give up all these things until I need too. {Girl in audience} Getting old huh ? {HST} Yeah. {Girl in audience} You still look good Hunter. {HST} Thank you. If I had to give up all these things, and had to confess like Joe Nameth and wiskey or David Crosby... Eldridge Cleaver gave up politics and turned to making exterior jockstraps... Tim Leary was not without..... well, uuhh, you should'nt sell your sins off cheap, so I'm gonna wait until I get arrested before I turn to Jesus. {Guy in audience} So where's the party ? {HST} I was going to ask you that. You're asking me ? I'm a stranger in town. {Guy in audience} Dr. Thompson, do you think the democrats would benefit by following the republicans example by using a proven deranged criminal as a presidential candidate in '92. {HST} That sounded so good, I lost you right at the end... {Guy} Should the democrats do like the republicans and run a deranged criminal in '92 ? {HST} I heard a bit of that earlier with Gary.... well now Bush is now going after the same vote that Gary represented... well it was about 40% it was a section of the electorate, they thought he was dumb, they disliked him more for dropping out that for whatever he was supposed to have done. So who'se the degenerate they're supposed to run. {Guy in audience} Which joint was better, the first or second ? {HST} Shit, I havn't finished the second one..... {Guy in audience} Hunter what is ball lightening ? {HST} Ball lightening is, well yeah, it comes down as balls rather than shocks or sheet..... well fuckit, don't ask me those silly questions. {Guy in audience} SONNY BADGER AND CHOCOLATE GEORGE! {Guy in audience} SONNY BADGER AND CHOCOLATE GEORGE, HELLS ANGELS!! {HST} Next question. {Guy in audience} How do you feel about appearing incoherent in front of a paying crowd? {HST} Not bad at all. {Guy in audience} WHY DIDN'T YOU SHOOT BOYD MATSON (?) ? {HST} Cause he's a nice guy. We were bezerk for about 3 or 4 days. That Cadillac the engine was blown out of the tunnel. In the film it had no engine whenit was going down the road. {Guy in audience} If he came to your house again, would you shoot him ? {HST} Weeellllllll no, I dunno, as a person who appeared on all three networks in the last three months... {Guy in audience} Does he have an assault rifle ? {HST} He moved somewhere. Get out of here. {Guy in audience} Some comments on _Where the Buffalo Roam_, did you like it ? {HST} No. No. {Guy in audience} What did you think of Bill Murreys portrayal ? {HST} Good. {Guy in audience} Why didn't you like the movie. {HST} Bad script, it was a bad script. {Guy in audience} What would you like people to remember you by ? {HST} I don't have to worry about it. {Girl in audience} Tell us about your diving accident. {HST} Which one ? I've had about as many diving accidents as I've had motorcycle accidents. {Guy in audience} Really ? {HST} Well, shit, you go underwater, you drive motorcycles fast.... {Guy in audience} How do you relate to this crowd ? {HST} It's getting harder and harder, but that.. perhaps is my fault. I did say earlier, and it's nice to have some of you in the can so to speak, remember I was going to ask for volunteers... {Brings out Taser, ZZZZap ZZZZap ZZZZap as he discharges it} {HST} If any of you are curious. {Female space cadet in the first row} I'm curious. {HST} Oh God... {Audience} Get up there.. {HST} I wouldnt do it it would be like a sexist act {Guy in audience} I'll do it to her. {HST} I like... {Space cadet} You like what ? {Space cadet crawls up on stage, bouncer runs over, grabs her. Hunter shoos away bouncer and they kiss. She gets off stage.} {Guy in audience} Hunter an easy question what does the `S' stand for.... {HST} There are no easy questions. SSSSSSSsssssssssssssssssssssssss (hissing) Jesus Christ is that all you want to know in this goddamn world ? You come all this way ? What the fucking `S' stands for. {Girl in audience} Hey come on we liked the tablecloth. {HST} Yeah, you would, this fucking thing. {Girl in audience} We've got black acid. {HST} You don't have black acid now do you ? Well I'm having a hard time thinking now because of this marijuana, but it's fair to say that we'd better start having a lot more fun with this conversation real quick. {Guy in audience} Now that you've smoked a couple of joints how doyou feel about the Allman brothers getting back together. {HST} I'm uhh, I wouldnt make this observation normally, since I have to come back tomorrow night, but uhh, well, maybe not, but I wonder if you people are really as empty headed as you seem. {audience} Ooooooooooohhhhhhhhhh. Aaawww. {Guy in audience} What about the Japanese buying all the golf course in LA? {HST} Free enterprise. We created the Japanese, all they did is take us seriously. Yeah, you'll be working for the Japanese soon. You'll speak Japanese. Not speaking Japanese will be like not speaking Spanish in Miami. Well yeah, the Japanes have bought ski mountains in Colorado. Does it bother you ? I don't really care. {Guy in audience} Because you're wearing that cap are you gonna root for the Mets in the world series. {HST} Shit, thats like going hunting with Ray Charles. {Guy in audience} What do you think about all this hero worship, is it embasarring ? {HST} If THIS is hero worship.... {audience breaks up} {HST} I've had more fun in Calcutta. {Female space cadet in front row} What kind of fun ? {HST} I am a nice guy and an athelete. Thats all I'll ever be. I want to leave you people with one thought that just came to me in this new book, this love story. Our hero gets this question over and over again as he goes through these terifying experiences. And the question is "would you do it again?". And I though Jesus Christ, look at this madness. And I thought, yeah... yeah, of course I would. And uhh, I find it kind of an embarassing, and awkward question to ask people, good friends, because I'm not sure how I'd feel if I said no, that would be the difference between beeing crazy and being a fool.... yeah, I'd do these things again. {Guy in audience} What if you had died ? {HST} I planned on dying when I was 27. I have a very organized mind. I bet on Seton Hall and missed by on point. Alright, now.... {Guy in audience} YOUR DISCHARGE FROM THE AIR FORCE? {HST} I'm out of here. {Guy in audience} FUCK. {HST} No, it's true. {Girl in audience} So whats the fucking S stand for. Is it Seymour ? {Guy in audience} Stockton. {Guy in audience} Is it a common tactic to go incoherant when you don't want to answer questions ? {Guy in audience} What about Lono. {Audience} YEAH! Yeaaaaah! {Guy in audience} What about Lono Are we in trouble because you're Lono ? {HST} {Smirks} No. You're in trouble.... because you're YOU. {Hunter gets up, picks up the remaining 2/3 quart of Chivas, tosses the grapefruit to the girls in the front row, walk off stage. When he gets to the door, right by the stage, he grabs on to the closing thingy ,and swings on it like a monkey, and he is out the door. He is gone. -- ``But if she wants it (particularly if she wants it bad), I am going to have a hard time saying "no".'' - Ted Kaldis richard@gryphon.COM decwrl!gryphon!richard gryphon!richard@elroy.jpl.NASA.GOV
